RELATIONSHIP AND LOVE LANGUAGE
RELATIONSHIP AND LOVE LANGUAGES
One definition of language is that it is a phraseology and vocabulary of a particular profession, domain or group. Language is a means of communication and achieves its purpose when the other person is capable of understanding what you say. Love is a language and you need to communicate it. However, this communication is effectively achieved if the other person understands the love language you are communicating. Imagine what will happen to a Ghanaian who goes to China for the first time. My dear, he will be like an ant in the midst of birds. It will be very difficult for him to even seek direction to places. I still remember watching “Kalybos in China”.
According to Gary Chapman, there are five love languages that everyone must know of. Every human being has a love language. There is something that a spouse would like you to do always for him or her to feel loved always. That is the love language i am talking about.
Different people have different love languages. It is therefore very likely that what makes you feel loved will be different from that of your spouse. Imagine speaking Spanish to someone who only understands English. So far as we have been created differently, with divers emotions, feelings and thoughts, our temperaments may make us have different love languages. What you will do for an extrovert, the outgoing type, to feel loved will be far different from that of an introvert. It is therefore very essential to know the love language of your spouse so that there will always be joy in the relationship.
Most often than not, we end up speaking our love language to our spouses and forget about theirs. We at times think what makes us feel loved is the same as what will make them feel loved.There is a folder in the heart of every individual and the love of the individual depends on the quantity of files in the folder. These files are the things you do to make them feel loved. When the folder is empty, it means the person feels that he or she is not loved.
Now let us dive into the love languages. The Five Love Languages are
WORDS OF AFFIRMATION
People having this love language feel more loved when you compliment them verbally. They always want to hear sweet things about them. Ladies who have this love language always expect their spouses to notice the new hair they have fixed, the style of the clothe they were, their looks from head to toe,etc. They feel loved when you tell them they look like, their hairs are stunning, the make-up is amazing,just to mention a few. Guys, similarly, will also like their spouses to check out their shoes, haircut, watch and appearance. People with this love language always want to hear encouraging words from their spouses. They always want to hear positive things and are always morose when they do not receive them. People in this category always want to feel appreciated. Sweet words are like honey to the ears of people who have this love language. As Absalom´s eyes got enlightened and felt stronger after eating the honey, after days of fasting, so are sweet words to the lady who has this love language.
Mr Man, if you want her to feel appreciated and loved, after knowing this, always be on the alert to notice new things on your woman. Always check out her hairstyle whenever you are to meet her or when she sends you her picture. Make sure you make out the perfume she wears. Let her know that she is beautiful at all times and never say things to hurt her. Ladies who have this love language are emotional and are hurt by the negative comments you say to them. That does not mean you should tell them lies. However, know how to convey any truth to them in such a way that they will not be offended.
QUALITY TIME
People with this love language wants your attention all the time. These people feel loved as you spend time with them. Being close to them makes them happy.Even if distance is the issue, with constant communication, they feel loved. They always want to receive your call, have chats with you and to see you always. Quality time to them does not mean just being in the same room with them. It means spending the time and getting involved in their interactions and what they are doing. If you are in the same room but you are watching football with full concentration, whiles she talks to you and want a conversation, that is never quality time to her.
When having conversations with you, she wants you to maintain eye contact. A lady with this love language needs your presence more than your money. There are a lot of marriages in which the husbands have the wealth of the world but the wives are not happy. The husbands give the wives every comfort that life can present but the wives are never moved by this, because the husbands do not have time for them. All that they know is work and making money. It is good to work and make money but what is the essence of life without a peaceful home? Some ladies may not complain but in their hearts they are the most neglected people on earth. The few moments to make these wives happy, the husbands end up even working in the house. Marriages have fallen on the rocks as a result of this.
Spend time with her . Take her out occasionally. At least once in a month, eat dinner with her at a restaurant. When she needs you around, let go of the soccer match and be with her. (This does not mean that whenever there is a football match ladies should blackmail their spouses and prevent them from watching).This will make her happy. At times go to the saloon with her, get the groceries together, take her out for a movie. Do things within your means to spend time with her. People with this love language always want your attention. There is no way you can replace their love with material things.
RECEIVING GIFTS
To these people, they feel that you have really thought of them when you give them gifts. They are always moved and feel loved when a gift is given. They do not actually value the price of the gift. What matters most to them is that you thought of them. God thought of redeeming humanity that is why He gave us the priceless gift ever(Jesus Christ). Gifts make them remember you always. I remember giving a friend a gift and she told me several months later that her mother always asked of me whenever she saw that gift, though i met her mum once. This shows how people who have this love language perceive your gifts.
The gift serves as a token of remembrance to them. These people will bring you back your gifts or destroy them if they end the relationship with you, because they do not want to have memories of you. Don´t wait for special occasions before getting your spouse a gift. Most of the time, people with this language feel more loved when you leave your busy schedules to be with them. Your presence is the most valuable gift to them. My dear, tell him if you need him around because at times he might not be able to read your mind.
Whoever receives a gift from you always feels indebted to you. As you express their love language, they will also make you feel loved in the way you want it.
ACTS OF SERVICE
Love not in words but also in deeds, is the quote of people who fall in this category. They feel loved with the minute assistance you offer them. Wives who have this love language feel loved when husbands join them with the chores, at least assisting in mopping, helping them with drying clothes, getting the groceries etc.
Men who have this love language always want you to give them sex when they need it and also the exact sex position is very vital to them. They feel more loved when you do whatever they tell you in the house. This does not mean men should allow their spouses do things beyond their means and limits.
As she is cooking, she expects you to be washing the dishes at the kitchen with her. As she washes, she expects you not to be playing games but, rather drying the clothes on the line.
PHYSICAL TOUCH
There are millions of receptors all over the body of individuals. It has been scientifically proven that children who are held, hugged and kiss develop a strong and sound emotional life than those who were neglected. People with this love language always want you to hold their hands, hug them and touch them romantically. They attach their emotions to the touch they receive. Learn how to touch her, and when to touch her. These people experience love whenever you are closer to them. To those with this language, your wrong touch hurts them more than your words. Never touch her your way, rather, touch her the way she would desire. Let her teach you the areas she feels loved when touched.
These people will forever remember the tender touches they received from you years ben after a crises they experienced. people with this love language take a deeper meaning to sex. They feel worthless when you jilt them after having sex with them. With sex, they add their whole trust and emotions to it. They see sex as their life and when offended in sex, it takes a very long time for them to forget. They are committed more to the relationship when they have sex with you. This makes them feel heartbroken when the relationship does not end in marriage.
HOW TO DISCOVER YOUR LOVE LANGUAGE
There are three ways to discover the love language you belong to.
Firstly, the things you expect your spouse to do for you is your love language. If you expect your spouse to always be by your side, spend time with you and pay attention to everything you do, it means your love language is quality time. If your spouse does not hold your hand when both of you are walking, or does not hug you often but you expect him or her to do that always, it is a sign that your love language is physical touch. If you expect gifts from him always as a sign of his commitment to the relationship, it means your love language is gifts. Your love language is acts of service if you always expect your spouse to help you in doing things like washing, caring for the home, cooking, cleaning etc. If you expect him to say nice ,encouraging and edifying words to you always, it is a clear sign that yours is words of affirmation.
Secondly, the things you don´t like and feel hurt whenever your spouse does them determine your love language. For example, If you are hurt when he does not spend time with you, then your love language is quality time.
Lastly, the things you request always from your spouse is your love language. When you request that she spends time with you, it is a sign that your love language is quality time. When you always request she holds your hands when sitting or walking, it is a sign that physical touch is your love language. Your spouse may say you complain a lot when at times you request him to do what will make you feel loved. However, the truth is that there will not be any complaints if he or she does it. Will you ever request for something you already have? Spouses should take not of this. If you do not like it when they remind you always to do what they love, then do that for them and they will not complain as you say.
Relationship is a two-way thing. It is not enjoyable when only one partner does everything to keep it. Two is better than one and the joy comes when both parties know the love languages of the opposite spouse. You will avoid the painful feeling of divorce if you can speak the love language of your spouse. Learn the love language of your spouse and speak it in a lovely manner.
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