A LETTER TO MY DAUGHTER -IN-LAW

                                                                         

 Dear Mercedes,

             The joy that filled my heart as Darwin walked you down the aisle was aggrandised by your smiles and i knew the moment i finished my background study on you that you are indeed the better half of my son. We spoke at length the eve to your wedding. As i spoke to you, i saw the joy in your eyes and how you nodded affirmatively to whatever i said. Now, the music has ceased from playing, the seats have been packed, friends and families have driven home, well-wishers are reminiscing over your wedding and all is over. Now that you are legally married to my son, it is possible you will feel in charge and will end up forgetting everything i told you,because you are the boss now. I will therefore write few things i left out so that you will know how to deal with me, my dearest.

           Mercedes, always remember that Darwin is from a family. I have been his mother for 28years and added the responsibilities of a father for 13years when his dad passed on. On several occasions, i sold my London wax just for him to sail through education. He had a kidney failure and i had to donate mine for him to survive when he was 16. I am saying all these for you to know that he does not joke with me, but now you are his priority and you are taking charge. Never think that i am the number one in his life now. Some ladies brand the mothers of the men they marry as witches. Mercedes, if i was one i would have enjoyed Darwin´s body long time ago and i wouldn´t have donated my kidney in the first place.

            I don´t expect Darwin to visit me as he used to when he was a bachelor. I don´t expect him to spend his fortune on me, but as a son he still has responsibilities when it comes to me. Like how you have responsibilities with your mother, do not prevent him from executing his. Your marriage will be very peaceful and enjoyable so far as you bond well with the family of the man. The sisters of the man can make a marriage very uncomfortable my dear. My daughters are not like that and do well to bond with them. They have taken you as a sister, so cope with them and never allow competition to set in when they need their brother, my dear. Be yourself when you are dealing with us, let us know what you don´t like and i hate eye-service  my dearest Mercedes. I gave birth to Darwin and i know him inside out. If you bond well with his family, you will be his paradise forever.

            Darwin had friends before he met you. Never come in between them. However, it is your responsibility to drive away friends with bad influences. Protect your man from wolves outside. Be nice to his friends and colleagues at work. My dear, there is one secret you need to know. If you give a man his freedom of association, he will always be open to you and confide in you. However, he will leave doors locked for you to make your own discoveries when you act like an FBI Agent. Transparency in marriage is tied to his freedom. Never make him feel as if he is in prison. Give him the space to operate and you will never regret you did.

             I taught you how to prepare his favourite meal. My dear, never try to do it exactly as i prepare it. He will always have me in mind if you do it that way. Add your lovely touch to what i taught you, make it your own and he will always see you to be unique. Don´t make the mistake of comparing yourself to me my dear. Never give him the chance to choose between you and me. Be yourself, be unique to him and he will stick with you forever. The only way for you to break the mother-son cord is to make him feel more comfortable at home. Don´t add up to his pressure from work. My house should now never be the first point of call for him, let yours be and this can only be achieved when he feels that he is home. When you have issues with him, try and solve it yourselves and only invite me when it is beyond you my dear. I will never interfere in your affairs. I will never be the second woman in your marriage and i will never pressurise you to give birth. When i visit you, treat me nicely as you will treat your mother. I won´t come to your house if you make me feel unaccepted.Mercedes, learn a little about his profession so that you can contribute to conversations when his friends come to the house. 

             You are my daughter now, feel free to call and visit any time. Never hesitate to call  whenever you are facing any challenges. Let God be your number one in the marriage and in your life. Be cautious of your female friends. Do not open your home to everyone since those you call friends might be the enemies in angelic gowns. Some friends have broken marriages and taken over. It is not everything in your marriage that you have to discuss with friends. 

              My dear, it is late and i need to rest. I wish you all the best in your union.

                                                                                                                                                                                                  Your in-law,

                                                                                                                                                                                                  Mama Mercy.